Friday, August 15, 2008

practice of a yogi mam

This morning at 4am when Adarsh got up for his practice and I was wide awake after comforting Evan back to sleep, I decided to get up too to get my own practice in.

My sweet little man Evan is 7 months old now and since his arrival my yoga practice has seen quite a shift. There were challenges during my pregnancy and I heard stories of Yogi mams being frustrated not to get a practice in anymore, mams who gave up on yoga altogether or ones whose bodies had completely changed and no asana practice was the same anymore. Quite scary to look forward to. Well....I haven't been frustrated and I haven't given up but yes, my body (and a whole lot more) has changed quite a bit. If there was ever any ambition of getting anywhere with this Ashtanga Yoga, doing whatever series I desired, that ambition is completely out of the window. In a good way.

Instead of being tempted to focus on the physical bit I have learned to just be present with what is going on. Be it physical, mental, emotional or spiritual. In fact, my lack of physical ambition during all the years of yoga now finally makes sense. This is not why I practice yoga. I always felt like a bit of an oddball out within the Ashtanga practice because I truly never felt the urge to move on to the next thing. I wasn't pushing or working awfully hard. I would just rather practice every day rather than be too knackered one day to do anything. That wasn't always a good or bad thing but it did constantly make me question my goals of practicing Ashtanga Yoga. Now that it's more challenging to find the time and energy to get a practice in I have gotten closer to the answer to that question.

Evan his presence in my life has made my body more sore and tight but my mind so much more flexible. That has been such a blessing because now it all makes sense. I practice around 4 times a week now depending on sleeping patterns, Evans changes and my need for that one hour more rest or not. The length of my practice is never certain so when I do step on my mat I am fully present with every move I make. That sounds so easy but believe me it's never been more clear to me how important that "being fully present" is and also what it truly means. One of my main promises to myself in being a mam is to be fully present with my child at every possible moment. Quite the promise ha?! Yes it is. Especially for this girl whose mind is a master at living in either the past or the future. Now that I have given birth and gained a stiffer and tighter body, the physicality of Ashtanga Yoga makes me be more present in the moment. If I get to do some of second, wow! If I get to do the full primary series, great! Doing half primary, quite something! But doing the standing sequence and some of the closing sequence, now that is dessert! And if I get a savasana in as well I'm really on top of the world. Whatever the sequence I end up doing it's completely unimportant. Important is how I do the practice and with what intention. This helps me to be completely present with Evan during the rest of the day which is what is really important to me. One could ask; hasn't that taken away from your yoga practice? A full and complete No is the answer. I feel stronger and more flexible than ever in my life and that is quite and extraordinary feat for this rather uptight girl. The Yoga practice of being a mam has opened my heart and mind to a whole new dimension. It's been the most liberating experience for me and I am so grateful for every moment of it. The body is just the body but what lives in it is the key to a true yoga experience. I feel so lucky to have been given the practice of a yogi mam :-)

Heleen

2 comments:

a. said...

thank you for this entry. i relate even though i haven't even given birth yet. once i became pregnant, all ambition (re: practice, 'career', life) just went out the window ~ very notable for someone who has lived most of her life with the desire to make some sort of mark in some little puddle of the world somehow. xo, antonia

Anonymous said...

hoi heleen, heb goed moeten lezen om het goed te kunnen snappen en ik geloof dat ik je heel goed begrijp: je zit goed in je vel!
dit maakt het moeder zijn nu zo`n bijzondere ervaring! en zal ik je eens wat zeggen, je hebt levenslang!!
heelveel liefs, greetje